That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The Olympian is in my bed
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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