i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
