i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
