I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
