worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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