She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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