Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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