Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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