just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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