you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
