Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
