he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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