I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I need water and some morals
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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