I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
