ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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