So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
