literally had 100 drinks last night.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just googled if crying burns calories
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just want to make out with him forever
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
