I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
