weddingsv make me drug and hornr
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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