Tell her she can't have a vagina
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Can I color on your dick again?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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