Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
