She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
