i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
