I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
