i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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