I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
