If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
