You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
