then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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