Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
