i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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