how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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