i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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