...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
