you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
