I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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