I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
