One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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