You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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