k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
