Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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