Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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