let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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