Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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