so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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