Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
