lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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