I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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