some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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