I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
