im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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