we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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