i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
